Someone shit on the floor
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
