Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
