John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
