when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
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