No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
