Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
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