so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
