I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
