Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
