Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize