I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
