If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
