Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize