I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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