you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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