Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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