Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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