We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
