ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
