I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
