I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
