One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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