...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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