question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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