He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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