I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
