i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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