Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Randomize
