You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
