I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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