I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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