They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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