Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
