Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You had me at "let me see your balls"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
