is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
