Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
