I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
