just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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