it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
