Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
