drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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