i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
