Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
