So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
