u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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