I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
