Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
