It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
