is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
