The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
