I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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