Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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