How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
