Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
