Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
