My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We left the knife in your bed.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
