This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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