you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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