you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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