did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
