He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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