Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
