You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
as a side note pls kill me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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