You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
