Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I lost the right to judge tonight
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize