Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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