My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
