They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
