i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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