Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
there was a trapeze. enough said
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
