Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
