The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
