I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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