Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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