I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
