He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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