I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
