I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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