I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
