Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
