You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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