Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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