What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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