just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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