Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
