She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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