I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
