he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
