So drunk its hurt
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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