Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
