just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
