oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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