For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
