I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
