Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
