No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
