Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize