dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
