What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
