he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
