I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
