Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
