Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
