my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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