I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
